Monday, 17 November 2008

• Ladies and Gentlemen...

     So, the Today Show is doing a short series on gentlemen. Specifically, they were discussing whether gentlemen still exist, and if not, whose fault it is. There was even some discussion about what a gentleman is. Apparently there are so few left that people have forgotten what they look like.
     For the sake of this discussion, I posit that a gentleman is one who treats a woman like a lady. He is polite, respectful, and deferential to women of all ages regardless of his personal feelings towards them. I know that this kind of man still exists because I am married to one. On our first date, I was impressed by his politeness, his chivalry (yes, he opened doors!) and the fact that his shirt was tucked in. In addition, he was genuinely interested in my conversation, was respectful to his elders, and tolerated the giggles of my junior high "sisters" with charm and big-brotherly kindness. Seven years later, he is still respectful and considerate, not only of me, but of all women. He opens doors for strangers and gives his seat to my mom. The general consensus on the Today Show seemed also to be that Gentlemen are out there, but they're a fewer than they used to be.
     Theories abounded as to who's to blame for the decline and fall of Gentlemen. One commentator said that parents were to blame, one blamed changing social values, and Kathie Lee tried to pin the decline of the species on Rap music. (I love Kathie Lee, but, seriously.) But, no one seems to want to admit the shocking truth of what happened to all the gentlemen. Women Killed them. (Metaphorically, anyway.) Let's be honest with ourselves, people: gentlemen started dying out when Women started to get liberated. Now, before you get your panties in a knot, I have nothing against Women's liberation. The social system of the 1950's was restrictive and doomed to failure. But an unfortunate side effect of women being liberated is that many of the nice things men did for women were chucked aside as being "chauvanist". It is a classic case of throwing out the baby with the bath water. We've gained the freedom to choose our own destiny and get paid well for it, but we've lost the little niceties. And now, we miss those niceties. That's right, girls, we have found the enemy, and it is US. We (or, at least our proverbial sisters) went around acting like anyone who opened a door was a chauvanist just waiting for a knuckle sandwich, and now nobody opens the doors for us. In fact, I've heard several young men say as much: that the number of girls who act flattered by chivalry is outweighed by those who act insulted.
     Fortunately, Gentlemen have been around since way before the fifties. In fact for many hundreds of years (no matter what feminists tell you), it was considered a mark of finest breeding to treat a woman well. So, it shouldn't be too hard to return men to those old ways. And women will have to do it. To quote my favorite fictional Gentleman, Mr. Darcy, "The fault is mine, and so must the remedy be." Since we created this monster, we've got to dispose of it. How, you may ask, can we reverse the pendulum of society and regain all the perks without losing our status? The answer to This is actually so simple that it is easily overlooked: Expect it. To clarify, here's an excerpt from my work-in-progress:

  I hear all the time that young men "just aren’t like that any more". This may be true, but I stand with many great Christian thinkers in saying that young men don’t behave that way because young women do not expect them to. Think about that. If someone really loves you, don't you expect him to treat you with honor?  If you expect a man to open a door, he will have to open it- or else stand behind you looking dopey while he waits for you to open it. If you expect a man to listen to you, he will have to listen- or else sit alone wondering why he can’t communicate with women. It is probably true that the number of men who do these things spontaneously is few. However, the number of men who will gladly open doors for a fantastic women who likes them is much, much greater. The problem seems to be that so many young women do not expect to be treated with honor.

     So, if you want a guy to be a gentleman, act like a lady. Be polite and respectful to him, and expect him to return the favor. Be honorable, and expect to be treated with honor. And if he doesn't change right away, go easy on him. Kindness breeds kindness. If even a small fraction of us girls start developing the men around us into gentlemen, the world will be a kinder, more chivalrous,  place in no time.
     What do you think, ladies? are you up to the challenge? Guys, can you rise to the occasion?
    
  

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